Bittersweet. My mom won't be here for the delivery (or doesn't think she will be at least). My dad can't take off a huge chunk of time from work and my mom's pretty incapable of traveling alone, unfortunately. It was to be expected.

How am I doing?

I'm doing ok...hanging in there. :) I have to be honest...with all these complications, this pregnancy hasn't really been a walk in the park. It honestly does suck to have to stab yourself repeatedly daily. That idea and hesitation of stabbing yourself never really goes away; It just gets more routine in time. I just find joy in holding onto my baby's feet every once in a while. We play footsies where I 'grab' her foot...then she moves it to a different spot and I grab her foot again. It's more of a poke than a grab, really. Either way, I poke the spots that she kicks to 'catch' her. Eventually she plays along lol and starts kicking both feet hard...as if 'You can't get BOTH of my feet!' :) It's just a highlight that I look forward to everyday; The interaction...and that she IS real and alive.

Christopher gets grumpy at me for 'teasing' her with this footsie game. "She's going to have a foot complex as soon as she gets out!" lol. I don't think he's that serious...but who knows?

Anyway, that's another thing that kind of sucks. I'm measuring soooo large. It's not the fact of being the weight that I am that makes it hard. It's more of the measurement and where the weight is located that's annoying. Because of my size around my belly, I could deliver at anytime apparently. I measure to about 44 weeks pregnant right now and am just about to hit the 35 week mark tomorrow. I'm almost 10 weeks larger than I should be. Yeah, I know it doesn't sound that bad. Many women are larger than they should be at this stage in pregnancy...but many women also aren't 5' tall. I look like I'm hiding an atomic bomb in my belly, lol. There literally is no where for it to go but out (and out the z axis, not the x or the y, lmao).

Chris and I have been attempting some naturopathic/homeopathic remedies to induce labor since we've finally hit the 'GOOD TO GO' mark. We've visited Elfi (this Swedish/European massage/acupressure lady), who was pressing all the induction buttons. Then we visited Jane Olynik, the Chinese medicine/acupuncturist and she needled some of my points to induce labor and to 'release tension' from the lower half of my body.

I'm not sure how much it helps, but we've just given it a shot for the experience.

I'm personally ready for induction this week, but I have a feeling she's going to say that Iz won't be ready for another month or so. That just seems to be the story of my life, lol. Trying not to be down about it...but whenever you look down and you see this gigantic torpedo of a belly and feel like the stilts in which the torpedo is resting on can't support the weight and is going to crash at any moment, the patience wains.

The irrational side of me wants to yell at my doctor and say, "GET THIS BABY OUT NOW! SHE'S COOKED!!!" lol. But then the other side reminds myself that if Izzy was ready, that she'd come out on her own anyway. Oh for the love of GOD Isabelle Marie, get your cute butt out of there so I can snuggle you. Lol??

So that's another new thing...we've added another middle name for her. Christopher and I were talking about 'what if?' scenarios and thought, 'Oh GOD, what if we deliver a boy!? We should probably think of boy names...' So our initial boy name idea was Logan Toshio (after my jichan) but we've got sick of the name Logan. We've kinda decided on Jacob or Ronin...then he said that he wanted to give his son his biological father's first name, Gordon. I figured ok sure...so Jacob Gordon Brown it is. Then, I thought...hey why can't they have my jichan's name too and both have an English and Japanese middle name? Thus, Jacob Gordon Toshio Brown as well as Isabelle Marie Akemi Brown. *shrug* We'll see?? :)

Anyway I gotta get in the shower. :) Cya!